if
i didnt have
you
id be living
in a castle
of bottles

under
the ground
scribbling
and shouting
my thoughts
into the great empty

then

masturbating
till i passed out 
from the pain
of friction

nonsense
is
a gift
to hold
close

swallow it whole
and feed yourself
pointlessness
embrace 
meaninglessness

then
have a ball
and dance 
the darkness
away

the cover closing
you go
to the shelf

the feeling
of you
remains

i sit
with it for awhile
appreciating the affect
you had 
on my being

i feel the loss
of my friends
never to know
anymore
about them

i wish today could be tomorrow
and tomorrow yesterday
to disappear from a moment
and return another day

today, i cant handle
tomorrow maybe

i make a move 
to you

i open my life
for you

but you think the gesture small
a deal wasnt made
about what i just gave

so my love was dismissed
and i rejected

I thought we were friends
but
i guess
its just
circumstance

my rage know no bounds
its unending
and fueled by lack of commitment

stand up
get offended
speak out

your opinions
fuel change

im enraged 
by your container
holding justice back

sun kills
my appetite
for living

its beams burn
my eyes
my chest

i want nothing more
than to get it off my back

bring the clouds
the rain
the night
the solace

i get attached

i carry my thread 
and needle
into every friendship

everywhere

i want you
to be part of me web
eagerly

but i try to catch you
before your ready

making scars
instead

i try to think
what life would be
without you

and

i cant bear it
what would i matter
without you